Poor Judgement at the Intersection -- Sleeplessness in Ithaca...

Six o'clock in the morning, I am sleepless. I turned my body over right and left, and still could not fall asleep. Then, I decided to meditate my past from year 2008 till now on the bed.
Under one circumstances I will be sleepless that is my friend " Nerve" come to visit me. However, this morning my another friend "Hesitation" comes. This is why I am always in poor judgment at the intersection without asking help from my "Heavenly Father".
Retrospecting my past, I experienced the most miracle year in 2008 and the most harvested year in 2009. I should be grateful for all the things that have done by my Father. However, I am stubborn. I turned my face off from Him and to the world. Always, I dragged myself into the world seeking things that I want by using my own ways. Obviously, it took a great effort to approach just only approach not goal. However, whenever I surrendered myself to Him. Things prosperous. I just like the Israelites described in the old testaments fluctuating between Him and the world. This is flesh and this is why I am not perfect.
For this coming year, I should not be chicken. At least, I can talk a little bit louder to myself that you can do it and surrender myself a little bit more to Him. Because I know that I really can do nothing by myself. My life could not be better if I surrender myself to Him more. Walking tall and moving forward..........